"These are big, big, big feelings and I'm pushing them down," the mom of four said on the Oct. 2 episode of 'The Golden Bachelorette'

Joan Vassos continues her search for Mr. Right as the first-ever "Golden Bachelorette." Vassos, a 61-year-old private school administrator from Rockville, Maryland, competed in the inaugural season of "The Golden Bachelor" for Gerry Turner's rose.

Joan Vassos had a major request when figuring out how she wanted the end of the showh to play out; her fantasy suite will look different.